You’ve been dating for six months now, and it’s feeling right. He gives you butterflies when he walks into the room. You think he could be “the one.”
The problem is that you’ve been withholding some information from him.
You’re not sure if you should even be bringing up such a topic so early on in a relationship – and quite frankly, this secret has the potential to make your new love interest run for the hills.
You have $90,000 in student loan debt and $45,000 in credit card debt. You’re not quite sure what his financial situation is, or if yours will scare him away. What do you do?
Disclose Your Financial Situation, or Forever Hold Your Peace
Face it: talking about finances early on in a relationship isn’t sexy, but it’s necessary. Money problems are one of the leading causes of break-ups and divorces. If you’re not open about your finances now, you could be setting yourself up for a lot of stress and heartbreak in the future. The thing with not being honest is that the longer you hide your problems, the harder it’ll be to be open about the whole thing. Many people try to cover things up until one day the situation just blows up in their face.
If you’ve been beating around the bush when it comes to disclosing your finances, then it’s time to bite the bullet and come out to the open. Here are three ways to go about it.
#1 – Keep it Casual
During a casual conversation, playfully ask your new love interest about his views on money. If you’re talking about careers, ask him how he feels about student loans. If you’re talking about vacations, vehicles, or any other big-ticket items, ask how he feels about consumer debt.
Your casual conversation could lead to a long, heartfelt talk in which you openly disclose your financial status. Remember that this is about sharing more than probing, so ask plenty of questions but also disclose a fair bit!
#2 – Observe
#2 – ObserveYou can tell a lot about someone’s financial habits by simply observing what they do. By this point, you’ve probably spent enough time with this person to have a general idea of their money personality.
For example, she’s a frugal person if you’ve seen her use coupons. You might want to ask her about her strategy and learn a thing or two. If she purchases expensive designer jeans at the drop of a hat and charges them to her credit card without much thought, she might have money problems. You won’t know though unless you talk about her money choices with her. And even if she ends up having a spending issue, she might not know it’s a problem unless you help her realize the magnitude of the issue.
#3 – Just Bring It Up
If you feel that your money issues are enough to put a hold on your new relationship, or that your love interest is the one in money trouble, just bring it up. If money’s an issue that’s been weighing heavily on your mind, it’s better to get everything out in the open. Maybe it could be easily remedied, but nothing will change unless you start addressing the problem.
This doesn’t have to be awkward either. Try starting a conversation about your future goals. Disclose where you’re at now, and where you want to be in the coming years. Ask the same of your partner.
There’s quite a bit of chatter about our government possibly canceling student loan debt. You might be thinking that if that were to happen, your debt issue might just disappear all on its own. Still, I encourage you not to wait for your issues to resolve themselves. For one, it may not ever happen. If you already feel uneasy about the situation, don’t let that feeling fester into something much bigger. Share your goals and situation with the one you love now. Don’t delay.
Keep Your Money Views In Mind
Love can be blinding, but debt can be binding too. If you’re on a path to financial freedom – working hard to earn and save every dollar you get – then dating someone with major money issues will likely cause a lot of friction for you in the future because your partner’s finances will affect yours no matter how hard you try to keep everything separate.
Enjoy your new relationship, but make sure that you and your potential partner’s financial paths have similarities. You may not be concerned about money habits now, but they will certainly play a role in the relationship in your future. How would you feel if you were originally planning to retire because you’ve worked hard and diligently saved for decades, only to find out that your significant other managed to accumulate $150,000 in debt?
It’s hard, but be completely honest about the details whatever your situation is. When it comes to relationships and money, honesty will always be the most important factor.
How has money affected your romantic relationships?